Harry's Ridiculous Adventure
by hahaharrypulp
Summary: This story is a sick, depraved, disturbing humor story. Harry does several characters. *New* If you have an idea for the next Whorecrux, tell me in a review!
1. Chapter 1

Harry sat in a circle around Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Molly, Arthur, Fred, George, Percy, Mad-Eye Moody, Tonks and a number of other order members. Dumbledore had called a sudden and unexpected meeting. Harry sat in anticipation as everyone who arrived quieted down, all eyes turned to Dumbledore as he spoke.

"Harry, Voldemort's power grows more daily. I'm afraid there is only one way to stop him. You need to find the Whorecrux's."

"A Whorecrux's sir? What's that?"

"Voldemort split his soul into many pieces by using dark magic and having sex with women and some prostitutes of ill repute. He put part of his soul in them. That is why when we kill him, he arises again, for he cannot really die." Dumbledore spoke gravely. "I need you dear boy, to find these Whorecrux's and pleasure them to such an intense level that the piece of Voldemort's soul within them will be destroyed."

Murmurs began around the room. Dumbledore silenced them with his hand.

Snape strode forward. "Dumbledore, I doubt the boy has the ability to pleasure the women enough to break the spell."

"That is why I need you to train him." Dumbledore spoke gravely. "We also need a volunteer, so Harry can watch and learn the ways of women."

Several hands shot up around the room. Snape's prowess was well known.

Ginny stepped forward, "I would be happy to serve the order in such a way."

"I'm sure you would Ginny." Dumbledore said sagely.

Harry interrupted, "Sir, I don't understand, why me?"

"There is a prophecy Harry. It chose you as the only one who can defeat Voldemort. Voldemort tried using your mother to create one of his Whorecrux's. She died trying to save you and created a magical power within you, once it's unlocked, your sexual skills will surpass any wizard, even Snape." Dumbledore finished.

"Impossible!" Snape sneered.

Sirius rose defiantly. "Dumbledore! You cannot ask this of Harry, he is just a boy."

"I know, what I ask is great, but Harry is the only one who can do it, it is his choice." Dumbledore turned to Harry.

"I-I'll do it, if it will save my friends and the wizarding world." Harry finished quietly.

"Very good, Harry." Dumbledore rose and patted him on the shoulder. Go with Snape and Ginny and practice your skills.

"What about me and Hermione!?" Ron huffed. "We're going to, we're not letting Harry have all the fun.

"I'm not sure what use you would be Mr. Weasly but you may go if Harry wishes it."

"Ron and Hermione can come." Harry said, pushing his hair from his face.

"Very good then." Dumbledore reached into a pouch and pulled out a small pointed rock on a string. "Harry this lodestone will show you the location of the Whorecrux's. It will point you in the right direction and spin if a Whorecrux is nearby. It must be activated by casting, 'Whoredefinder!'" Dumbledore handed Harry the necklace. "There's no time to waste, begin your studies. You may use my chambers at Hogwarts.

Ginny undressed and laid down on Dumbledore's bed. Harry had never been to Dumbledore's private chambers. It was immense and filled with potions, books and sexual devices.

"The key to bringing a woman to pleasure Harry is anticipation." Snape spoke with such confidence, it made Harry feel inadequate.

"How experienced are you sexually?" Snape asked.

"Well I've banged a couple of birds." Harry admitted.

"I do not even know if I can teach you anything, I'm sure my talents will be wasted but I expect you to pay attention to my every word! I do not like to repeat myself." Snape snarled.

Harry watched and listened to Snape's instructions. He felt intimidated when the potion master removed his clothing, revealing a huge, thick, twelve inch member.

"Sir..." Harry began.

"What is it potter?!" Snape snapped.

"Well, my err... penis isn't that big and well I'm not sure how well I can pleasure a woman. Does size really matter?"

"Yes Harry it does." Snape said smugly. "Don't worry I have potions I can give you to increase your girth. Now pay attention."

Snape fingered, sucked, licked, nipped, caressed, and kissed Ginny until she was a sobbing mess begging Snape to fuck her. Harry was amazed, Snape certainly deserved his reputation.

Snape pulled Ginny over and plowed into her in one swift movement, she shrieked in pleasure. Snape began riding away, lifting her off the bed. He moved her in positions Harry had never imagined were possible. Ginny screamed each time she orgasmed till tears streamed down her face. Snape's stamina was impressive. Harry watched him go for two hours never slowing or tiring.

Finally he slowed his pace and removed himself from a quivering Ginny. "Ok Potter, you're turn." Snape said smugly.

Harry gulped and removed his trousers. His four inch penis sprang out at attention. He climbed over to Ginny and fumbled around trying to imitate Snape's foreplay.

"No Potter! Not like that! Were you even paying attention?" Snape commented on Harry's ministrations making him feel self-conscious. Harry soon felt close to bursting. He positioned himself in front of Ginny and gave her three good pumps before he ejaculated, spilling his seed inside her.

Snape's eyes were black. "You idiot boy! Dumbledore is a fool. You will never learn to become even a mediocre lover in all your lifetime!"

Snape strode from the room furious.

After many lectures and pleadings Dumbledore convinced Snape to try to teach Harry again. He banged Tonks, Lavender, Pansy and Ginny, but every time Harry joined in he ejaculated in mere seconds. Snape's frustration grew. If not for his loyalty to the order he would have walked away long ago. Finally a plan formulated in his mind.

"Harry, I have a surprise for you." Snape intoned darkly.

"I've been trying really hard professor. I've been jacking off before our sessions like you said and..." Harry said nervously.

Snape waved his hand dismissively. "I think I have finally found something that will help your ejaculation problems."

Snape moved him inside the doorway. Harry's eyes grew wide. There naked on the bed was McGonagall.

"You can't be serious professor!"

"Oh but I am." Snape's voice held no compassion. "You need to learn to control yourself. I won't be... participating this time. You must do it on your own Harry."

Harry knew Snape meant business. He gulped and got into bed with McGonagall. He began to fondle her breasts. They were wrinkled and sagging like two large raisins. Harry felt bile rise in his throat and tried to keep it down. He leaned down to McGonagall's wrinkled lips and kissed them. "Oh Harry" McGonagall croaked and opened her small tongue to taste him. She smelled like old perfume and another strange odor only found on the elderly. Harry moved down and stuck a raisin breast in his mouth. McGonagall began panting. Harry was only half hard and trying to get more aroused. He moved his penis to McGonagall's dry lips. She began blowing him rather expertly and Harry tried to imagine he was somewhere else.

"Stay in the moment Harry." Snape corrected. Harry opened his eyes and looked down at McGonagall. He supposed she was alright for an old bird. Her skinny frame stuck out at sharp edges and some of her flesh hung loosely from her bones. Harry retracted his last thought.

Finally it was time. Harry positioned himself and entered Mcgonagall's almost dry hole. He rode away feeling slightly ill. Try as he might he could not ejaculate. He grew tired, he felt close at times but then he would look down at McGonagall's tits bouncing from side to side and would lose his excitement. It seemed like an eternity. He finally closed his eyes and finished, creaming almost painfully into McGonagall who also orgasmed, a small bit of liquid coming out.

Harry moved away in exhaustion. Snape strode over to him. He looked the closest to approving as Harry had ever seen him. "You lasted five hours Harry, I'm impressed. I think you're ready to search for the Whorecrux's."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry was feeling more confident since his last training with Snape, neither one of them mentioned him having sex with McGonnagal and for that Harry was grateful. His stomach turned whenever he saw the elderly headmistress walking down the halls. McGonnagal smiled at him knowingly and suggested she'd be available if Harry needed more training. Harry tried to control his shuddering. Things weren't much better with Ron. Harry returned to his dorm after a tiring session and Ron was giving him the silent treatment.

"What's wrong mate?" Harry asked.

Ron huffed and puffed and wouldn't answer until he finally snapped. "It's not fair!" He exploded. "You're so bloody special. You get to shag all these witches. Harry the Vagina Potter. That's what they're calling you!"

"I didn't ask for this Ron!" Harry reminded him.

"Well aren't you so bloody lucky then." Ron said selfishly.

"Look Ron, this isn't as great as you think it is, ok. You have no idea."

"Sure, I'll be crying in my sleep for you." Ron rolled over and went to bed. Harry sighed.

He decided he'd try out the loadstone Dumbledore gave him. "Whoredefinder" He intoned. The loadstone spun around. It wasn't supposed to do that... he was inside the school. Wait! That means someone at Hogwarts was a Whorecrux. Who could it be?

He confided in Dumbledore the next day.

"I see. This is a very interesting matter. Someone here is close to the dark lord Harry. I cannot help you, you must seek them out on your own."

Dumbledore didn't seem to be much help as usual. Harry stalked the grounds with his loadstone. It spun slower and slightly more quickly at times but he was no closer to finding the answer.

"Maybe it's not a student Harry." Hermione said as they sat on a row of empty Quiddich benches.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"You've been all over the grounds. Maybe it's a teacher."

"A teacher... Why didn't I think of that?"

"Well you are kinduve stupid Harry. Look, bring your lodestone to your classes and see what happens."

Harry brought the loadstone to class and hung around where the female teachers were, it wasn't Madam Hooch or Sprout. He even tried faking an illness to see Madam Pompfrey and checked out a book to test the librarian.

"It's not working Hermione." Harry whined as they met at there usual spot.

"Ok, so there has to be someone you haven't checked yet." Hermione closed her eyes and went through the list of female teachers Harry had investigated. Her eyes snapped open. Trelawney! You haven't checked her out.

Harry groaned in frustration. "No, no it can't be."

"Are you serious about saving the wizarding world Harry?" Hermione huffed.

"I am, but Trelawney, blech!" Harry made a face.

Hermione eyed him. "Well you better check it out and if it is her figure out a way to seduce her. I bet she hasn't gotten laid in a few years. She'll be up for it."

"Great." Harry muttered.

Harry sat in the astronomy tower. Cringing as he watched Trelawney sputter on about dark times ahead. He took out his loadstone and watched as it spun furiously. It stopped and pointed straight at Trelawney then began to spin furiously again.

"Bugger." Harry groaned. He tried to toughen up. Dumbledore and his friends needed him.

Harry hung around after class. He looked at Trelawney's huge glasses and wondered if it would be better if she left them on or off while they shagged.

"Professor?" Harry spoke with false enthusiasm.

"Yes, dear boy what can I help you with?"

"I've been having trouble figuring out how to read my tea leaves. I can't tell if it's a dog or a horse."

Trelawney hobbled over and began explaining that his leaves were in fact a carrot. Harry wasn't listening. He was staring at her frazzled hair and beaked nose. "It can't be worse than McGonnagal," he tried to convince himself.

"Professor, I have a confession to make." Harry leaned in closer. Trelawney's breath smelled like a frog's ass.

"Yes, my boy?" She gazed at him curiously.

"I find you very attractive."

Harry leaned in and gave Trelawney a kiss. His forehead hit her glasses. Trelawney responded in earnest.

"Well this is a surprise!" Trelawney said panting.

Harry closed his eyes. He dipped his tongue back in her mouth and tried not to gag as her sandpaper tongue stabbed him. He started to undress her. She had on a bra that was faded peach and much too large for her breasts. He removed them and two tiny, sagging, golf ball sized breasts stood at attention. Trelawney stepped back and removed the remainder of her robes. She had on gargantuan granny panties that covered her all the way to her knees. She slowly removed them, doing a sexy backwards dance, and Harry's eyes widened in horror; out popped out a gigantic afro bush of hair. There was as much of it as the hair on her head but it had the corse consistency of a third rate Quiddich broom. Harry was so shocked he was unable to respond. Something began moving inside of it. A small bird poked it's head through the brambles of hair and chirped.

"Oh that's my familiar Pebbles. Don't worry, she'll leave us alone once things get going."

Harry felt his head swimming. He was worried that he might faint before he could consummate the act.

Suddenly Snape strode through the room. Harry had never been so happy to see him before in his life.

"Stop this at once!" Snape intoned darkly.

"Severes! Get out of here!" Trelawney screeched.

"Harry, I'm afraid Trelawney isn't your Whorecrux."

Harry looked at the potions professor confused.

"One of the paintings overheard our meeting with Dumbledore and reported to Trelawney. She used a false trace of the Whorecrux to trick you into shagging her."

Harry almost collapsed in relief.

"How dare you!" Trelawney huffed.

"Hermione updated me about your plan to meet Trelawney. When you didn't return from your divination class, I knew something was wrong. A simple spell revealed the truth that Trelawney wasn't really a Whorecrux but only had a false mirror of one. I searched her rooms at once and found a painting of a man cowering in fear. I made him tell me everything.

"I'll kill you Snape!" Trelawney rushed at him. Her bush headed towards him. Harry had never seen Snape look as horrified as he did at that moment. "Stupify!" Snape yelled. The witch fell forward unconscious, she landed bush first on the ground, it held her partially upright.

Harry was overwhelmed with gratitude. He knew the professor didn't like him but had gone to a lot of trouble to save him. "Professor, I don't know how to..."

Snape raised his hand. "We've had our differences Harry. I've always thought Albus overestimated your bravery, but after seeing what you were willing to go through... you have earned my respect."

Harry and the professor shook hands.

"You've wasted enough time with this false lead. Albus will deal with Trelawney. I have an idea of where you can find the next Whorecrux."


	3. Chapter 3

"You know where a Whorecrux may be sir?" Harry asked Snape.

"Yes, we know Voldemort has used at least one hooker in Knockturn Alley to create a Whorecrux. Since there's so many around, tracking them may be difficult. The prostitute may not even know she has a Whorecrux inside her. While our magic isn't as powerful as the Loadstone Dumbledore gave you, an order member has gotten distinct traces of a Whorecrux whenever the women of the night begin to congregate at around 7pm." Snape looked at his wrist, which held no watch. Harry wasn't sure if he was mental or if he had a magical invisible watch. "You'll need to go there posing as a customer and watch carefully for any signs the Loadstone is reacting."

"You can count on me sir!" Harry piped. Snape rolled his eyes at his _Gryffindor_ enthusiasm.

Harry wore dark robes with the loadstone tucked next to his chest. His face was partially covered in a long cloak. He strolled the streets trying to act casual, when a pock faced hooker jeered at him.

"Hello lover, looking for a good time?"

The Loadstone didn't move against his chest.

"Maybe next time." Harry considered.

It was getting late in the evening. Several prostitutes had groped him and flashed him their goods. Harry was getting hot. He hoped he'd find the Whorecrux soon.

Hours passed. He was about give up his search when the Loadstone suddenly reacted. He carefully removed it and watched it spin furiously. He eyed the streets. A few women were still out. He noticed one off to the side. She wasn't dressed like the others. She wore a covering over her face. The Loadstone spun and pointed in her direction as Harry moved closer. It must be the Whorecrux!

Harry hid the loadstone and walked to where she stood. Her face was concealed in darkness.

"Need a date wizard?" She began in a low voice. As she turned, Harry's hood opened slightly by a sudden gust of wind. Harry heard her gasp and saw her turn, running for an alley.

Harry chased her. He had been recognized. He couldn't let her get away. She turned down several passageways. Harry struggled to keep up but she obviously knew the area better than him. A thought formulated. He had his invisibility cloak stashed away, as she turned another corner Harry slid it on before he reached the next turn. He continued to follow her, now invisible. After a time the witch slowed, she looked around her and moved at a quick walk down several streets before she entered a seedy motel. Harry followed.

She paid the hotel clerk and walked up a short flight of stairs, entering a dirty room with a cheap mattress on the floor. As soon as she shut the door, Harry grabbed her wrist.

"Let go of me!" She yelled in a strangely familiar voice.

Harry untied his invisibility cloak with one hand while still holding on to her wrist.

"Who are you?" His demanded, shaking her shoulders.

The woman let out a sob and dropped to the mattress. She slowly removed her cloak. Harry saw the plump, dowdy familiar features of...

"Ms. Weasley!!" Harry choked.

"Oh Harry, I didn't want yah to know." She sobbed again.

"You're a hooker?" He asked in shock.

"I've got seven kids Harry. I can't make ends meet. Please don't tell the kids or Arthur." Her eyes pleaded.

Harry was moved by the desperation he saw there. "I-I won't tell anyone." Harry paused. "But how did this happen? When did you...?"

"I'm a career hooker Harry. We were poor when I was a kid but my mum wanted me to go to Hogwarts..." She paused, reliving memories. "Studying was to hard for me, I was no good at it. I dropped out and did the only thing I was ever good at and loved. I've been doing tricks ever since."

"How does Arthur not know?" Harry's mind was still reeling.

"I grew tired of the life Harry. I wanted to settle down and have some babies. Just be supported while I sat and waved my wand around and cooked and cleaned; live the easy life, instead of walking and laying on my back all the time. I saw this good looking bloke outside the ministry. I watched him for a couple weeks before I bumped into him. I told him I was a herbologist. We got married."

"Why didn't you stop then?" Harry accused.

"I did for a while but money was so tough. I knew I wasn't good at anything else. I told him I was working nights digging up plants. I wanted to stop Harry, but Arthur is old fashioned. He doesn't believe in contraceptive spells. More kids just kept popping out... Percy, Ron and Ginny aren't even his." She confessed.

"What?!" Harry exploded.

"It's so nice to let this all off my chest." Molly visibly relaxed.

"Percy, Ron and Ginny...." Words failed him.

"I had to drink a potion during pregnancy so their hair would take on more of a reddish hue. You don't know what I've been through." She said a little self-pitying. "Why were you in the alley tonight anyway Harry?"

Harry sobered remembering his purpose, but could he fuck his best friend's mom?

"Well apparently your lifestyle has led to some problems. Voldemort planted a Whorecrux inside you."

"What! No!" She gasped.

"So you didn't know?"

"Of course not Harry! What kind of person do you think I am?" She chided.

Harry didn't answer directly. "You know what this means don't you? Dumbledore sent me to destroy the Whorecrux's."

"I've heard all about it Harry. I know what must be done. Don't worry about me, I've been fucked by hundreds of different wizards." She patted his hand.

Harry cringed at the thought.

"Shall I fluff you up then?" She asked in the same way she used to ask if he wanted more potatoes at a typical Weasley dinner.

"Sure I guess." Harry muttered. Why couldn't any of the Whorecrux's be someone he didn't know and wasn't completely horrified shagging. He felt like someone was having a laugh at his expense.

Molly removed his robes with the flick of her wand. "You're still a growing boy I see." Molly commented on his penis size.

Harry blushed. "Let me take this potion Snape gave me." He walked to his discarded robes and pulled a potion from his pocket and drank it. Within seconds his penis doubled in size and girth.

"That's a little better, isn't it Harry?" Molly cooed.

Snape told him to stay in the moment, so he didn't come so fast, but it was hard. He had never viewed Ms. Weasley in a sexual light. She was so matronly. He watched her brown hair below him as she moved her lips over his penis.

She began to blow him expertly, bobbing up and down like a rechargeable nail gun while she jacked him like a farmer squeezing a cow's udder. She drooled freely down her mouth like a lobotomized mental patient, sucking Harry's wand like a dementor. He'd never had such a good blow job in his life. Molly was right, this seemed to be a talent of hers. How would he please her enough to destroy the Whorecrux? She must have banged some good blokes before. He wondered if Snape had used her services. It was a little known secret he visited hookers. How could he compete with him? Was he ready?

Harry felt close to bursting at her ministrations. "Molly, stop please. I need to shag you to get rid of the Whorecrux."

"Of course Harry." She said stopping and licking her lips.

Earlier...

"I don't think we should be doing this Ron." Hermione's arms crossed against her chest.

"Look I just want to prove Harry's not so bloody special. I know he's going to look for a Whorecrux tonight. I put a trace on him and when he finds the Whorecrux, we'll get there first and I'll bang her and break the spell." Ron said confidently.

"Snape specifically told you not to go with Harry tonight." Hermione warned.

"Yeah but you 'eard Harry with Dumbledore he said we could help. I haven't done anything yet."

"No offense Ron, but I've had a taste, you're worse in bed than Harry was. You're only going to get in the way."

"I'll bloody show you!" He yelled angrily. "I'm sure I could at least get things going."

"You're an insufferable prat!" She screamed back. "You're a terrible friend and a pervert who's jealous Harry gets to bang some witches and you want in on it. You don't realize all he has to go through for us."

"So you've got stars in your eyes for Harry the Vagina Potter to huh? I should 'ave known the way you follow him around shaking your vagina around him every chance you get."

Hermione stared at Ron in wide-eyed shock. "Go to hell Ron! I'm not helping you, you're on your own."

"I don't need your bloody help anyway." He yelled at her as she stormed off.

Ron waved his wand and followed the Trace on his friend Harry Potter.

Ron hid in the shadows watching Harry. Nothing was happening so he sat down for a moment and accidentally fell asleep. He woke up and quickly followed the Trace. It led to a run-down hotel. Ron noticed a ladder leading upward to the second floor. He climbed up and peeked in an open window. Harry was naked and being orally serviced by a witch. He couldn't see what she looked like from this angle, only her huge ass was in view, but she sure was giving it to him good. Poor Harry, yeah right.

"Well let's get to it then. Are you nervous Harry?" Ms. Weasley asked with matronly concern.

"It's just a little weird, you know. It feels wrong somehow. Your Ron's mum... You're just like my own mum." Harry cast his eyes downward.

"Oh Harry, you're so sweet." Ms. Weasley tongue locked Harry. Nonplussed by what he just admitted.

Ms. Weasley paused and stood back. She slowly removed her clothing. She wore an enormous lacy bra, covering two watermelon sized breasts. Harry couldn't see her knickers since her stretch marked stomach covered them. Her large thighs were hairy as well as her arms.

"I like things natural." She confessed to Harry. "I'm like what you'd call a muggle hippie."

"That's alright." Harry choked.

She removed the rest of her clothing and laid spread eagle on the mattress. Harry could see her wide opening, at least it wasn't as hairy as Twelomy. Though it was long like Hagrid's beard.

Harry knelt and positioned himself at her opening. He gritted his teeth before entering.

"Oh Harry." She groaned.

Harry pumped into her feeling like he was sticking a pen into a fish tank. There was little friction even from the enlargement bottle. Ms. Weasley panted, her large stomach rolling back and forth.

"Call me Ms. Weasley Harry!" She moaned.

"What?" Harry huffed.

"Do it!" She screamed.

"Um... Ms. Weasley, Ms. Weasley." Harry intoned.

Ron's mouth was agape. He was just about to enter the room when he heard Harry shouting... Ms. Weasley? No... it couldn't be.

"Who makes the best Apple Fritters Harry?" Ms. Weasley asked panting.

"You do Ms. Weasley." At his words she grew wetter.

"You like fucking your best friends mum Harry? Talk dirty to me."

"I don't want to say that." Harry cringed.

"Say it Harry!" She commanded.

"I love fucking Ron's mom!" He blurted.

Ron was enraged. He eyed the rounded woman getting pounded. It was his mum! He'd kill Harry Potter! He'd kill him! He had never been so furious in his life. His hands shook and blood filled his head. Harry had done this as some kind of revenge. He knew Harry had always been jealous of him. He didn't think he'd ever get the image in front of him out of his mind if he lived a million years. He was so mortified he couldn't move.

"You like banging the hole your friend came out of don't you Harry? You're girlfriend Ginny to."

Harry felt sick.

"Say it Harry, don't hold back!" She moaned.

Harry closed his eyes. "I like banging the hole Ron and Ginny came out of."

Ms. Weasley's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she orgasmed, washing Harry's legs with juices.

Suddenly Ron burst through the window. He charged at lightning speed towards Harry and put his hands around his throat.

"Ronald! Stop that this minute! What are you doing here?" Ms. Weasley eyed her son. He had a look of madness in his eyes. Harry was gasping for air.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!! You like fucking the hole me and Ginny came out of, you sick bastard!" Ron spitted in rage, practically foaming at the mouth.

Ms. Weasley grabbed her wand. "Petrificus Totalis!" She commanded. Ron froze and Harry pushed him away gasping. He stood and looked down at Ron, whose face displayed pure hatred.

"Don't worry about him." Ms. Weasley said soothingly. "Are you alright Harry?"

"I think so." Harry wheezed.

"Ron must have followed you here the git. His dad was a drunkard peg-legged pirate, should have known."

"Ms. Weasley. What's going to happen with Ron hearing all this stuff?"

"Don't worry; I'll take him to get obliviated. I've had to do it before. You don't run around these streets without learning a trick or two."

Harry felt relieved. He didn't want his best friend hating him forever.

Harry examined his loadstone. It didn't spin. The Whorecrux had been destroyed. "It worked!" He said happily, momentarily forgetting about Ron.

"That it did Harry." Ms. Weasley crushed him in a suffocating tit hug.

She eyed him a little longingly. "I suppose that's for the best, then. You will come over for dinner next Thursday won't you Harry?"

"Uh, sure." Harry muttered.

"Alright then, off you go. I have to take care of Ron." Ms. Weasley smiled as she levitated Ron off the ground.

Harry closed the door. His head was swimming after his surreal experience with Ms. Weasley. He had done it though! He was starting to feel positive, the first Whorecrux had been destroyed and he didn't think things could possibly get worse than they'd already been. He needed to report to Dumbledore right away.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: I'll do your suggestions soon! I wanted to get this one out of the way first. Thanks for all the reviews!

Dumbledore was impressed with Harry after he reported the first Whorecrux had been destroyed. Harry left out Ms. Weasley's name to protect her and hadn't seen Ron since he had been obliviated. He decided to settle in for some much deserved sleep.

A week without incident passed. He finally ran into Ron playing chess in the common room. He still seemed grumpy about Harry being the chosen one, but thankfully didn't remember anything about watching Harry shag his mom. Harry promised him he could come along and search for the next Whorecrux and he seemed a bit placated.

The next day Dumbledore walked past Harry during dinner in the great hall and slipped him a note. Harry carefully opened it and read. "Harry, I kindly and thoughtfully request you meet me in my office as soon as you are finished eating. Respectfully yours, Dumbledore."

Ron grabbed the note out of his hand. "Great!" Ron mumbled, his mouth full of food. "Let's go."

"Where are you two going?" Hermione piped up.

"No where you're going!" Ron scowled.

"Come on mate, she can come to." Harry placed a hand on his shoulder.

Ron shrugged and finished stuffing the last of his food in his mouth. He was still chewing when they arrived.

Harry was surprised to see Remus Lupin standing inside the office with Dumbledore.

"Harry, old boy, how are you?" Remus shook his hand vigorously. "Hermione, Ron." He nodded.

"I see the three of you are all here." Dumbledore stroked his  
beard in annoyance.

"Right, what's this about then?" Ron swallowed the last of his food.

"Remus, if you will?" Dumbledore lazily grabbed some Bertie Bott's jelly beans and popped a handful in his mouth.

"I have good and bad news Harry." Lupin faced him with a resigned expression. "Our counterparts at other schools have also been keeping an eye out for the Whorecrux's. We received and owl today. One of the witches at Beauxbatons Academy of Magic has a Whorecrux inside them."

"That fancy French school?" Ron's eyes brightened. "That school is full of hot babes! Alright!"

Lupin cringed a bit at Ron's comment.

"Well, that's great news! Who is it?" Harry was excited by the prospect he might finally get to shag an attractive witch.

Lupin paused. He took a glass of water from Dumbledore's desk and took a long drink. Dumbledore eyed him, amused.

"Are you ok?" Hermione asked him.

Remus set down the glass. "It's the he......" He mumbled.

"What was that? I didn't hear you?" Harry leaned in.

"It's the headmaster, Madam Olympe Maxine." Remus closed his eyes.

"What!!!!" Harry choked.

"Bwahahaha!" Ron started laughing hysterically.

"But-but that's impossible! How can Harry have sex with her, she's a giant!!" Hermione's eyes furled in thought. "Besides, isn't she Hagrid's girlfriend?"

"Ah yes," Dumbledore finally spoke up. "We're going to have to keep this a secret from Hagrid. Wouldn't want to upset him, would we?" He popped another jelly bean in his mouth.

Harry slumped in his chair. Remus put his arm around him. "Chin up Harry, you can do this. Snape can brew you a potion to make you even bigger, we'll think of something." He tried reassuring him.

"I think I'll sit this one out Harry, I'll travel with you in case you need me for something else, but..." Ron scratched his balls as he spoke.

"You are a git!" Hermione screeched at him.

"Alright, everyone calm down." Lupin spoke reasonably.

"I can't do this Remus, I mean how can I even if I wanted to?" Harry sighed, defeated.

"Perhaps once you see the situation for yourself a solution will arise." Dumbledore intoned sagely. "Remus, Hermione and Ron will accompany you to Beauxbatons, I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Alright then Harry, we'll leave tomorrow, get some rest." Lupin patted him again.

As everyone started leaving Dumbledore spoke up. "Harry, a word?"

Harry closed the door after everyone left.

"I need to tell you something important... Remus Lupin is a werewolf."

"What!?" Harry gasped.

"Yes, during the full moon his behavior becomes... erratic, just thought I'd warn you." Dumbledore finished.

"What am I supposed to do?" Harry asked.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out." Dumbledore drawled lazily.

"Great, thanks." Harry mumbled, walking out.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Lupin arrived at Beauxbatons in the evening after two days of travel. Dumbledore had them on a budget and they had to take several trains, busses and walk miles in between stops to finally reach their destination. Fog covered the enormous castle as they walked towards the entrance. Harry turned to Lupin. "So how did this happen? How did Voldemort implant the Whorecrux in Maxine?"

Lupin glanced around. "Voldemort used polyjuice and pretended to be one of Maxine's old lovers. He knew even if he was discovered the chances of someone pleasing Maxine would be difficult due to her size. He killed her old lover and has been murdering giants everywhere so no one can make a modified polyjuice of them."

"That's horrible!" Harry seethed. He'd have to shag Maxine to save the giants to.

"Wait a minute? So Maxine cheated on Hagrid with her ex boyfriend?" Hermione crossed her arms.

"Who cares? You're such a girl sometimes." Ron giggled.

Hermione slapped him across the face.

"Bloody hell!" Ron yelled.

Hermione whipped out her wand. "I have more here if you want some Ron, just try me!"

Ron glared at her furiously and rubbed his face. He stormed off.

Lupin continued. "Yes, Maxine did cheat on Hagrid. It was ongoing which is why Voldemort knew he could get away with it."

"I see." Harry frowned.

"Maxine has agreed to the process, she knows what must be done. We're to meet her in a large secluded field several miles away after we tell her what our plan is." Lupin quieted as two Beauxbatons girls greeted them and led them inside.

Harry's nostrils filled with perfume as they entered. Ron stood nearby considerably cheered as he flirted with a gangly Beauxbaton girl. The ceiling was inlaid with gold and silver and reached high above them in a cone shape. The girls led Harry's group along a few elaborate halls until they stopped inside a large room. They were surprised to find Hagrid sitting inside.

"Hagrid!?" Hermione started.

"Whater you all doin here?" Hagrid asked.

Their two escorts realized their mistake, they had accidentally brought them to Hagrid's room, he was visiting the castle. "We're terribly sorry." Fleur spoke up. "Your rooms are further down."

"Dumbledore asked us to investigate... uh something going on at the school?" Harry said.

Ron choked back a laugh and Hermione glared at him.

"Is it about dem Whorecruxes? Is one here?" Hagrid whispered loudly.

"Um, well we're not entirely sure, but we've come to check things out and all..." Harry unconsciously backed away, wanting to escape.

Suddenly Hagrid burst into tears.

"What's wrong Hagrid?" Hermione moved forward.

"Oh, it's Maxine. I think she's cheatin on me."

Remus patted Hagrid's hand. "There, there Hagrid, no need to be suspicious without any cause right?"

"When I kissed 'er I could taste another man's love goop." He wailed.

The two Beauxbatons guides glanced at each other. Everyone seemed to be trying to back out of the room.

"There, there Hagrid, everything will be alright." Hermione patronized while Hagrid blew his nose on his sleeve.

"I don't think I'm big enough fer her." Hagrid confessed. "I'm only haf a giant." He burst into fresh tears.

"Chin up, old boy!" Remus said half-heartedly. "I'm sure you're more than man and giant enough for the job."

"You think so?" Hagrid beamed, showing off a yellowed smile.

"Sure, I do. Well we're all a bit tired Hagrid. We'll come see you again." Lupin hurriedly left.

"Aight." Hagrid waved.

"That was horrible." Hermione breathed after they'd walked down the hall a bit.

"I know, can't Hagrid find a toothbrush in his size?" Ron scoffed.

Hermione's fist closed around her wand. She gritted her teeth.

"I think Hagrid might be on to something. Even with Snape's potion my penis would need to be so big I couldn't walk or move it. It would need to be bigger than me." Harry sighed.

"Well let's try it Harry, there's more than one way to please a woman. We'll do a practice run and see how things go, maybe we'll get some ideas." Remus comforted.

The next day Harry, Ron, Hermione and Lupin approached the clearing where Madam Maxine was waiting.

Lupin paused as they approached the final hill. "Wait! I hear something."

They spied Madam Maxine spread eagle in the wide clearing. Her vagina covered almost the whole view and gave off a fishy smell. Everyone gagged.

"Merlin's beard!" Ron choked.

"Scourgify!" Lupin intoned subtly. There were several exhales of relief.

"Oh no!" Hermione pointed. "It's Hagrid, what's he doing here?"

Hagrid strode forward looking angry. Maxine sat up. Her face was heavily caked in make-up.

"I follow'd you out here Maxine! I know ya were planning on cheating on me!" Hagrid bellowed

"It wuzn't like zat 'Agrid! You don't understand!" Maxine cried desperately.

"Ya think I aint man enough fer yah? Do yah?" Hagrid's face was red.

"'Agrid! I luv you! I was just... getting an outdoor tan." Maxine frantically explained.

"Ya aint lying to me anymore! I'll show you who's man enough!" Hagrid began removing his clothing. His whole body was covered in fur. He dropped a pair of dirty underwear and revealed a large red penis as thick as a tree trunk.

"Agrid, zis isn't the best time for zis." Maxine glanced around, she knew Harry and his friends would arrive any minute.

"It's cause yer waiting fer another man eh?" Hagrid huffed.

"No, of course not!" Maxine's mind raced.

Harry, Hermione and Lupin looked on in wide-eyed horror, to shocked to move. Ron swayed, feeling ill.

"Get ready for the ride of yer life." Hagrid said stroking his cock.

He climbed up Maxine's thighs a bit and held himself up with two hands. He swayed in mid air and slammed his penis in Maxine's huge vagina, rocking back and forth on his arms, holding himself aloft.

"Ooooh yeah dat's it." Hagrid moaned.

Hermione fainted and Lupin quickly grabbed her before she fell to the ground.

Hagrid continued swaying back and forth. A loud squishing sound was heard. Sweat pealed on Hagrid's brow from his effort. Suddenly Hagrid turned his body, doing a handstand. "Do ma Maxine!" He growled. Maxine began violently thrusting back and forth.

Harry was impressed with Hagrid's acrobatics though he had never seen anything so horrible in his life. McGonagall, Twelolomy and Ms. Weasley seemed pretty tame compared to what was taking place before his horrified eyes.

Hagrid's hairy butt wobbled back and forth as Maxine pounded him. "I'm goin to come 'Agrid!" She moaned. Suddenly a huge gush of water exploded from Maxine, completely covering Hagrid. Hagrid fell and spit out a glob of white goo and shook his arms out. Afterward, Hagrid tenderly laid next to the giant woman.

"I think we should come back tomorrow." Lupin said picking up Hermione while Harry supported a very sick Ron.

When they returned they were no closer to finding a solution. Hermione had recovered though she looked pale and shell-shocked, Ron was relaxed and eating again.

They stayed up most of the night bouncing around ideas.

"Wait a minute, remember what you said earlier Harry? That you'd have to have a penis as big as you are to please Maxine? Well what if we transfigured you into a giant penis?" Hermione said excitedly.

"What?!" Harry moaned.

"It might work Harry." Lupin stroked his hair.

"No way! How am I supposed to breathe? I mean once I'm in there it would really be my head right?" Harry didn't like this idea at all.

"Hey if you don't want to do it, I will!" Ron interrupted.

"You're already a big penis." Hermione snapped.

Ron glowered at her.

"There's an opening at the top Harry, you can breathe that way. We can still leave your feet at the bottom." Lupin said thoughtfully.

"This is ridiculous!" Harry shook his head.

"Well, if you've got a better way Harry then tell us." Hermione reasoned.

"Look Harry, you can just hold your breath and come up for air." Lupin patted Harry's shoulders.

Harry slumped. There had to be another way. He couldn't do this. He glared at the impassive faces in front of them.

"I'll transfigure you tomorrow night, don't worry it's a simple spell to turn you back when you're done. Nothing will happen Harry, I promise." Lupin pleaded.

"Alright! I'll do it!" Harry yelled, crossing his arms in defiance.

"Good sport Harry." Lupin patted his face.

A full moon shone overhead as Harry and his companions entered the clearing the next evening.

"'Ello 'Arry." Maxine greeted. She was naked and ready to go.

Harry mumbled a greeting in return.

"You ready Harry?" Lupin knelt looking Harry in the eyes.

"I guess so." Harry grumbled.

Ron was ecstatic. Harry was going to be a huge penis. It sounded like a good deal to him, but Harry didn't think so and he couldn't help smiling at his friend's bad humor.

Lupin waved his wand, "Largeous Penious Totalis!"

Harry felt himself transforming. His arms closed at his side.

"Did it work?" His voice sounded strange to him.

Hermione clasped a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing.

"It sure did Harry." Lupin spoke confidently.

The opening of the large Harry penis spoke, "Alright let's get this over with."

Harry waddled over on his now much shorter legs. He dipped his body down and entered Maxine.

"Oh ma god!" Maxine groaned in ecstasy.

Harry took a deep breath and plummeted back inside. He pushed himself in and out taking a gasp for air each time. He felt sensations all over his whole body. He was close to cumming already. He tried to remember Snape's training. Everything was dark inside Maxine and he felt like he was entering a pliant tunnel. He was stretching her to her limit and Maxine was screaming in pleasure. Soon her orgasm washed over him. Harry gasped for air as she clenched him inside her. He was struggling to breathe. Is this is the way he was going to die?

"Harry!" Hermione rushed forward. "Ron help me!"

Hermione and Run both tugged at Harry's shoes trying to pull him out. One shoe fell off in Hermione's hand and she fell back.

"Pull Ron!" She commanded, rising and grasping at Harry's ankle.

Harry finally popped out and fell to the hard ground gasping for air.

Hermione checked Harry's loadstone. It wasn't spinning. "It worked!" She said excitedly, wanting to hug Harry, then thinking better of it.

"Sorry 'Arry!" Maxine rose concerned but with blissful glazed eyes. She quickly dressed.

"I think he's breathing." Hermione checked Harry in relief.

"Where's Lupin?" Ron asked.

"I need to be changed back." Harry huffed out.

"Look!" Ron pointed towards Lupin he was bent over in pain. Suddenly he began to grow fur, his eyes took on a strange glow.

"A werewolf!" Hermione gasped.

Harry wobbled trying to sit up. "We have to stop him he's the only one who can change me back."

Lupin howled at the moon and began taking off at a run. "Follow him!" Hermione yelled.

Ron and Hermione took off, Harry tried skipping on his short legs to catch up.

"He's headed for town!" Hermione increased her speed.

They arrived in a sleepy town near the Beauxbatons Academy. Lupin turned and growled at them. Harry finally caught up and anxiously glanced around. He hoped no one would see him in his giant penis form.

"Lupin, it's us!" Hermione pleaded.

Lupin looked at them without a glimmer of recognition. Suddenly a cat ran nearby. Lupin grabbed it and started banging it like a rabbit.

"What are you doing?" Hermione choked.

The happy cat was tossed aside, Lupin started banging everything, a wagon wheel, a chicken, two ducks, a potted garden, a hose, and a fence. He was moving with lightning speed, seemingly unstoppable.

"Wow, go Lupin!" Ron was impressed.

Hermione ignored his comment. "We have to do something!"

"I can't live like a giant penis!" Harry said panicking. "How long is he gonna be like this?"

"Usually until the moon changes. Oh no!" Hermione pointed.

Lupin was banging the pole on a stand that was slowly coming unhinged. An assortment of fruit and boxes were hanging above him. He let out a yelp of surprise as the pole broke free and everything came crashing down on top of him.

Hermione rushed forward. "Petrificus Totalis" she intoned. Lupin became rigid. Her and Ron pulled him out.

"We'll have to hide him until morning." Hermione warned.

"I can't stay a penis all night!" Harry whined.

"Sorry Harry you don't have a choice." Hermione sighed.

Suddenly lights came on all over the village. Lupin had woken everyone up with his antics.

"Bloody hell, we have to get out of here." Ron cried

A grandmotherly woman stepped forward from a nearby house. She saw Harry's penis body and screamed.

"Run!" Harry commanded.

The three of them ran, Hermione levitating Remus.

Harry's short legs could barely keep up. He heard shouts and yells as he ran. "It's a giant penis!", "What in Merlin...?"

Harry ignored the calls, huffing and puffing. Damn Hermione and Ron were so far ahead he could barely see them.

A French reporter from the Daily Prophet who was visiting friends in the village grabbed his camera and was snapping furiously.

A rope was tied around Harry and he stumbled forward. "Ow!" He yelped.

A frightened man approached him. "What perversion is this, what are you?"

"It's some kinda monster!" A woman clutched her husband.

"I'm not a monster! I'm Harry Potter!"

Suddenly Hermione was at Harry's side waving her wand. "We're on a mission from Dumbledore! Let him go!"

The villagers recognized Hermione and reluctantly released the binds holding Harry.

"Harry Potter? I don't understand?" A man looked confused.

"We're leaving!" Hermione warned. "Don't try anything funny!" Harry and Hermione slowly backed away.

"Oh that was horrible." Harry cried.

"Don't worry Harry. It's just a small little village, miles from Hogwarts. No one will know anything. They'll probably think they dreamt it up by morning."

"I guess you're right." Harry seemed satisfied by Hermione's logic.

The next day Lupin recovered. He didn't remember a thing about last night's events. He apologized profusely and turned Harry back to his normal self.

"It's so good to be me again!" Harry clapped cheerfully.

"Sorry again Harry, I'm not sure what happened. I forgot about the full moon, I wasn't thinking..." Lupin scratched his ear sorrowfully.

"Uh, I suppose it's alright." Harry said diplomatically.

"Let's get back to Hogwarts and put this whole thing behind us. At least the Whorecrux was destroyed, right Harry? You did it!" Lupin cheered.

"Yeah I guess I did." Harry smiled.

As they approached Hogwarts Draco Malfoy and his cronies were waiting out front. "I always knew you were a dick Harry but even I didn't know how much of one you really were." Everyone started laughing.

"What are you talking about Malfoy?" Harry challenged, looking about nervously.

"Come on Harry the Vagina Potter or should I call you Penis Potter from now on? It's all over the paper, you're pathetic."

Someone threw a paper towards Harry. "I'm Harry Potter." The caption read, showing a large penis with short feet sticking out.

Harry groaned in frustration and horror. He'd never live this down.

Ron in a rare act of chiveraly stood in front of Harry. "Oh yeah Malfoy, well Harry turned into a giant penis to fuck a real live giant! I can't say the same for you and Pansy, we know she hasn't given it out yet."

"Shut up Weasley!" Malfoy threatened. "Maybe Harry turned into a penis for some sick fantasy of yours." Chuckling was heard behind him.

"I asked Harry to do it!" Hermione snapped.

"What was that mudblood?" Malfoy sneered.

"It was a fantasy of mine, to-to have a giant penis. We were sneaking about the village when we were caught." Hermione put one fist at her side.

"I knew it!" Ron said stupidly, not getting it. "You were always complaining about my size when I'm packing lots of heat."

"You and your mudblood girlfriend are sick!" Malfoy gagged. "I don't even want to look at the lot of you." Malfoy walked off, everyone followed giving them dirty looks as they passed.

"Thanks Hermione!" Harry beamed. "I owe you."

"You bet you do Harry!" Hermione said sternly trying to cover a smile.

"What the bloody hell about me! I stood up for you to." Ron stormed.

"Yes, sorry, right, thanks a lot Ron." Harry brushed his hair back.

Ron puffed up with pride. "Well two Whorecrux's are down already. At this rate we'll stop Voldemort in no time! We'll be heroes.

"Thanks for all your help guys." Harry said. "Well, let's get some rest and start searching for the next one first thing tomorrow!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Dedicated to Bobby and Emily. Search for Harry's Ridiculous Adventure on Youtube for a reading of this story. **

Dolores Umbridge stood in front of Voldemort's throne dressed in her finest pink jumpsuit. "Dolorresss," Voldemort hissed. "I feel myssself weakening. Harry Potter hass desstroyed two Whorecruxesss I need you to be on guard."

Dolores felt her frustration grow. Voldemort had forbidden her from shagging anyone in case someone tried to destroy the Whorecrux inside her. "Yes, my lord of course." She hoped she sounded confident.

"Perhappss, we should add a little insuranccee you will do my bidding." Voldemort gave a scaly smile. "Come here and give me head."

Dolores felt her stomach drop. She had no problem killing and torturing muggles, and had seen some pretty twisted things in her time but nothing compared to this.

Voldemort undid his robe, his penis poked out. It had scaly flesh that ended upward at the tip in an actual snake like face with a mouth and eyes. It was a side effect from Voldemort regenerating after he had split his soul so many times to make a Whorecrux.

Voldemort's penis begin to dance of its own volition and sing, "Don't, don't you want me. You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me." Dolores watched still. She didn't want to give the dark lord any indication of what she was feeling. The penis continued singing until the end, "Don't you want me Oooo Oooh." Voldemort smiled and clapped his hands when he finished, entertained by his little penis. They had some sick symbiotic relationship. The penis bowed several times proudly.

Dolores wanted the song to be over but wished it was still going on when the penis turned to her and stuck out his tongue. The things she had to do to remain in power. Dolores knelt over and stuck her tongue out, French kissing it. Voldemort moaned in pleasure. She put the penis in her mouth and it started licking her tonsils. This wasn't helping her to feel any sexual pleasure but she figured Voldemort was to self-centered to realize it. The penis began making erotic sounds and Dolores came up for air. The penis opened his mouth wider and spewed a stream of hot cum all over her face from his mouth. Dolores closed her eyes, she almost thought joining Dumbledore would be better than this, but knew Voldemort was on the winning side.

Voldemort cleaned himself off with his wand. "Well that ssshould tide you over. Remember Dolores don't sleep with anyone, the order isss trying to desstrory me."

Dolores nodded, afraid to speak before she apparated away.

Harry, Ron and Hermione followed Mr. Weasley through the ministry. He had brought them along under the guise of a school project about his work, but they were really searching for a Whorecrux.

"Mr. Weasley, I feel the loadstone moving. A Whorecrux must be nearby." Harry whispered.

Arthur leaned in close. "You and Ron search the upper floors while Hermione and I walk around the ministry. Let us know if you find anything."

Harry and Ron separated from the group. They took the elevator to a few different floors. The loadstone was reacting but not strongly, until they reached the highest floor. They followed the hallway until the loadstone spun wildly in front of one of the doors. Harry looked up. A gold inscription read, "Dolores Umbridge."

"Oh great." Harry whined. "Just great, how am I even going to get her to shag me, she hates me?"

"Leave it to me." Ron spoke confidently. "No one can resist my sexy bod."

Before Harry could stop him, Ron knocked on the door. Dolores answered dressed in a pink knee length skirt and pink blouse. She looked surprised. "Harry, Ron, what are you two doing here?"

"Hey Ms. U." Ron pushed aside the door letting himself in. "We were on a field trip so decided to come by your office."

"What for?" Dolores's eyes narrowed. "I don't remember approving any field trip."

"Um, we came with Mr. Weasley to get some extra credit. You know to see what he does at his job and stuff." Harry finished lamely.

"Where is that fool Weasley at anyway? Why aren't you with him? Not keeping an eye on his bratty kids. Typical." Umbridge sneered.

Ron slyly opened his ropes up a little and puckered his lips. "So you think we can hang out in here for a little bit?"

"This isn't a daycare! Get out! When you two get back to school you'll be serving detention in my office." Dolores warned.

A plan formulated in Harry's mind. He stepped closer to Dolores. "I've been a bad boy Dolores. I need you to teach me how to be good."

Dolores suddenly felt warm looking at the two boys before her. Boy she'd love to whip them into shape. Maybe she could have a little fun. It wouldn't be breaking her promise to Voldemort after all. "Maybe you two should serve that detention now, until we find out what happened to that incompetent Mr. Weasley."

"Yes, maybe you should punish us." Harry looked downward.

"Us?' Ron spoke up. "I dunno what you're on about mate."

"Against the wall, both of you!" Dolores ordered in a sickly sweet voice.

Both boys stood against the wall. Ron looked confused. After a few seconds, Harry heard a loud smacking sound as Ron was hit in the ass with a giant paddle.

"Bloody hell!" Ron yelled.

"You're never to old for a spanking. Now pipe down." Dolores was exhilarated. She couldn't remember when she'd last had so much fun. She brought the paddle down over both Harry and Ron again.

"You crazy witch!" Ron yelled, moving towards her.

"Imperio!" Dolores screeched. Ron become glassy eyed and instantly pliant. "You're not going to give me any trouble to are you Harry?"

"No." Harry quivered. Harry never thought he'd be into this kind of stuff but it seemed to appeal to his whiny side.

Umbridge ordered both of them to undress. Harry did so willingly but since Ron was under a curse he had no choice. Harry looked over and saw that Hermione indeed wasn't lying. Ron was a lot smaller than him. Umbridge eyed the two boys with a bit of disappointment. She quickly recovered and ordered Harry to sit atop Ron's back as he walked on all fours like a horse. Harry kept slipping off his sweaty friend and would get a swift smack from Umbridge's paddle every time he did. Harry was getting kind of grossed out. This was his best friend Ron, after all.

Finally Dolores let an exhausted Ron and Harry stand upright. "Take off my clothes." She ordered. Ron undid the top part of her blouse and Harry removed her skirt. As expected her bra and underwear were both hot pink. Her large body sagged and her ass was as flat as a pancake. Dolores knew she was treading on dangerous ground. If Voldemort found out she was going to do his enemy and his friend, he would be furious with her. She hadn't been laid in over a year though.

Harry saw Dolores pause. He was afraid she was backing out. Harry bent over to his toes showing off his ass. "Dolores, I need another spanking."

Dolores's eyes filled with lust. She stuck her wand in Harry's ass and he cried out. "Leave it in." she commanded. Dolores walked over to her desk and pulled out a wooden box from a drawer. Cat's were engraved on the side. She opened it and pulled out a medium sized pink dildo, the end of it had the face of a cat. Straps were attached to either end. Harry's eyes widened. She put it on and went over to Ron. She commanded Ron to bend over and pull his ass cheeks apart with his hands. "Meow like a cat." She spoke, her voice filled with lust. Harry cringed as she shoved the pink cat dildo up Ron's ass. Ron began meowing. She was even more evil than Harry had imagined. After a time Dolores stopped and laid on her back. She ordered Ron to mount her. "Come here Harry." Harry knew it was time. He didn't enjoy the thought of a three-way with his best friend though. Harry's ass began to burn. "Ow, what's happening?"

"I've charmed my wand. If you don't pleasure me when I want you to, you will feel intense pain." Dolores smiled evilly. Harry felt like his ass was filled with Licorice snaps. He knew he had to bang Dolores to end the pain. He reached her opening. Watching Ron's drooling ecstasy filled face. This was so gross, but he had to do it the pain was to much. He entered Dolores, who made a sound of approval. "Kiss your friend, Harry."

Harry leaned over and stuck his tongue in Ron's mouth. Even under the spell, Harry thought he saw a bit of horror in Ron's eyes.

Dolores leaned back and cried out in pleasure. She ordered both of the boys to ejaculate. Ron's jizz hit Harry square in the face. She finally released them and pulled her wand from Harry's ass. Harry wondered if he'd ever be the same again. Ron's eyes became clear. He looked around the room and ran to a trash can and vomited.

"Well, I'll see you boys at school for detention." Dolores tried to speak sternly but her face was joyful.

Harry half carried Ron from the Room. The loadstone was no longer moving. The Whorecrux had been destroyed. Ron's face looked pale and haunted. "It worked, Ron, you helped me after all." Harry said insensitively.

Ron turned to Harry without a glimmer of recognition. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it. Harry was worried. He'd have to talk to Molly about getting him obliviated again. Well on the bright side he was one step closer to stopping Voldemort.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry was called into Dumbledore's office. He opened the door and was surprised to see a tearful dobby standing at the foot of Dumbledore's desk, his head cast down.

"Harry, please come in." Dumbledore gestured to a nearby chair. "Dobby has something to tell you."

"Harry Potter, Dobby has been bad." Dobby spoke sadly.

"What do you mean Dobby?" Harry was sure the house elf couldn't have done anything that terrible. Dobby was one of his closest friends.

"In the time before, with master Lucius, he made Dobby do terrible things." Dobby shuffled his hands together. Still looking downward.

"Well then it's not your fault Dobby." Harry said Reasonably. "What happened?"

"Harry Potter, Dobby is a Whorecrux."

"What!" Harry looked at the house elf shocked. Wanting to back up. "How is that even possible?"

Dumbledore spoke up. "Harry, look into the pensive and see Dobby's memories. It will help you understand better."

Harry pressed his face into the pensive. Colors swirled and soon he found himself looking at a kitchen. Dobby was sweeping the floor with a little broom. Suddenly Lucius entered, looking angry. "Hey little hemorrhoid," Lucius called, referring to Dobby." Dobby cowered. "Lord Voldemort is on his way over here and has a use for you. I command you to obey his every word."

"Yes, sir." Dobby spoke meekly. He shook with fear. The dark lord was coming here to the manor. What could he possibly want with a worthless houself like Dobby?

Lucius left and didn't return for thirty minutes. Dobby stayed in the kitchen to afraid to move. When the door finally creaked open Lucius stood next to Voldemort, his head slightly lowered to the dark lord, who was adorned in billowing black clothes.

"Get me a drink." Voldemort hissed.

Dobby apparated a glass of pumpkin juice on a tray. It shook clumsily as he brought it to the dark lord. The dark lord grabbed the cup and downed it in one shot, licking his mouth with his scaly tongue.

"You should be honored Dobby." Lucius informed the house elf. "Voldemort has chosen you to make one of his Whorecruxes."

Dobby's eyes grew wide. "No!"

Voldemort shot a blast of green energy from his wand knocking Dobby on his back and causing him intense pain. "You need to controlll your houssee elf's better than thiss Luccius."

Lucius's eyes were red with anger. "I'm deeply sorry my lord, it won't happen again. Dobby was just surprised by your graciousness I'm sure."

Voldemort stopped his spell. Dobby stood defiantly. "Yess, you're probably right Lucciuss." He eyed Dobby. "Come here." He ordered the elf who had no choice but to obey. "Lucciuss, why don't you and the housse elf get things going so I'll get in the mood."

Lucius's eyes widened in horror but he quickly turned his face back to an impassive mask. He knelt down on his knees and undid his pants. Pulling out his limp member. "Dobby come here and lick my penis." He choked out.

Dobby did as he was commanded and moved his gray tongue along Lucius's shaft. He used both of his small hands and stroked him up and down. Lucius against his will was beginning to feel a response. He looked down at the house elf enjoying going at his wand and felt repulsed. Dobby put his mouth over Lucius mushroom head and Voldemort murmured his approval. He roved his tongue over Lucius, and moved his little hands downward to bounce his balls around. Then finally removed his mouth. Lucius felt sickened yet turned on at the expertise of the houself. The house elf knelt down and put one of Lucius's balls in his mouth and began to hum. "MMMMMMmmmmmmmm." Lucius felt himself beginning to burst. Dobby quickly stopped his ministrations and opened his mouth wide. Lucius shot a wad of sticky liquid into his mouth. Dobby could feel the salty sweat of his master and licked his lips.

Voldemort stepped forward and disrobed, "Now it's my turn." Voldemort pulled down his whitey tighteys and his little penis popped up and spoke. "Thank god, I can breathe, I was suffocating in there." Voldemort had regenerated and split his soul so many times that as a side effect his penis had it's own face and mouth. The penis began his dancing show singing, "I can show you the world, open you up wonder by wonder, tell me Dobby when did you last, let your penis decide?" Voldemort and his penis sang in sync, "A whole new world, a new fantastic point inside you."

Dobby started humming along. House elves were naturally drawn to music. When Voldemort stopped, he ordered Dobby forward. "Master, how will we have sex? Dobby is to small."

"Bend over and you'll find out!" Voldemort said sharply.

Dobby did as he was told. His ass looked like two prunes. Voldemort's penis began grunting. "Uhhhnn, Uhhhnn." Suddenly a smaller penis popped out from the larger penis. He said in a squeaky voice, "Hidey Ho! Off to pound your ass I go." Voldemort grabbed dobby and put him on the penis's little penis. His balls smacking against Dobby's wrinkly ass. Voldemort would ensure his Whorecrux was made."

Harry pulled his face from the pensive. He had seen enough. "I'm so sorry Dobby."

"It's ok Harry Potter, I'm free now because of you." Dobby smiled.

"We know what has to happen now though Dobby." Dumbledore said, bored.

"It's ok, I trust Harry Potter."

"I'll be gently with you Dobby." Harry promised.

"No, need to be shy Harry." Dumbledore smacked his old lips. "We need to destroy the Whorecrux as soon as possible."

Dobby bent over and Harry dropped his pants. He knelt over to the house elf and gave him a gentle kiss to relax him. Harry stroked himself roughly before trying to enter the house elf. He was having trouble fitting in his small asshole. Dumbledore frowned. After many attempts Harry gave up.

"What can I do professor?" Even my four inch penis is to big. I don't want to hurt Dobby." Harry turned to Dumbledore.

"It will be difficult to find someone who has a penis smaller than you Harry." Dumbledore paused deep in thought. Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Ron Weasley! He'd be perfect for the job."

"He'll never agree to it headmaster." Harry frowned.

"He's your friend Harry, you'll have to convince him." Dumbledore spoke with conviction.

"I'll see what I can do." Harry sighed, defeated.

"No way in bloody F'in hell!" Ron yelled.

"Ron," Hermione looked at Ron with annoyance. "Harry needs your help. Haven't you been saying all along how you wanted to help him."

"You're out of your buggin mind. The whole lot of you." Ron folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not buggering a houseelf and that's that."

"We could all die Ron. Voldemort could kill all of us, Hermione, me, and even your family. He could enslave the wizarding world." Harry tried to reason with him.

"You think I care?" Ron huffed. "I'd rather take my chances."

"You're so selfish Ron!" Hermione screeched.

"It's just a few minutes of your life Ron. Think about it, you'll be a hero to the wizarding world." Harry tried again.

"I don't want to be known as the houseelf bagger. No thanks." Ron narrowed his eyes. This was going as well as Harry expected.

"Dumbledore said if you do this you'll graduate with all O's." Hermione added.

'I don't care about grades I'm only hanging around here to shag women." Ron said.

Hermione threw up her hands in frustration and stormed off. Harry was running out of ideas. He shoved his hands in his pockets and felt something solid. He pulled out a chocolate frog. Ron's eyes brightened.

"Blimey Harry, where did you get that?" Ron asked. "They're all sold out at the school store."

"Oh this was the last one and I bought it." Harry started opening the top of the frog.

"How much do you want for it Harry?" Ron pulled out a few bits of galleons from his pocket and some lint. I haven't had one in weeks."

"Well, I'll give it to you Ron if…" Harry trailed off.

"I'll do anything!." Ron promised.

"You have to bugger Dobby then." Harry waved the frog in front of him.

"Bloody hell." Ron paused for several long seconds. "Alright, I'll do it."

Dumbledore, the golden trio and Dobby all sat in Dumbledore's office.

"Dumbledore, if Ron pleasures Dobby then how can I use my power to destroy the Whorecrux?" Harry asked.

"You have to do something towards the end in a final pleasuring act. You've taken so many enlarging potions it's dangerous for you to take one to make your penis small enough for Dobby. Ron can get things going and as long as you are involved in some way the Whorecrux will still be destroyed." Dumbledore eyed Harry through his spectacles.

"Just don't tell anyone about this." Ron gulped. He pulled down his trousers and his one and a half inch penis sprung out.

Dobby walked over and began stroking it. Damn the little rat was good at this Ron thought surprised. Maybe even better than Hermione. Oh! Dobby took Ron in his mouth and was bobbing in and out. He hoped no one would find out about this, he'd never live it down. Ron was soon hard and dobby raised his butt in the air. Using a magic spell to lube himself up. Ron got down on his knees and entered. Damn, dobby was tight. He paused a little, feeling nauseous. What was he doing?

"Come on Ron, you can do it." Harry cheered. He pulled out the chocolate frog from his pocket.

Ron started moving.

"Oh master Weasley. You're so big." Dobby moaned.

Ron had never heard that before in his life and couldn't help but be puffed up with pride. He never knew why Hermione complained so much. Dobby seemed to like him just fine. He increased his pace and Dobby wailed in pleasure.

"Yes, yes stick your large wand in me." Dobby cried. Ron would give the little bugger what he was asking for. He banged away harder than he ever had in his life. To soon Ron felt close to coming. Dumbledore was watching them hungrily. Harry knew the time was nearing for him to act, but wasn't sure what to do to finish things off.

Ron's eyes were glazed with lust. He felt like he was in another world so didn't hear when Dobby called out to Harry.

"Harry Potter, pee on Dobby."

Harry undid his pants and aimed his penis, shooting Dobby in the face with a yellow stream of pee. The house else moved his face back and forth in glee, using his hands to rub some on his face.

"What the hell?" Ron said furious. Some of Harry's pee was getting on him but he was to close to back off. "Unnnnn" Ron came inside the little house elf. Who also orgasmed, his seed spilling on the ground, his face filled with bliss. A groan was heard from Dumbledore as he finished, he had been secretly jacking off behind his desk."

You f'n wanker Harry! You troll %&*! You peed all over me!" Ron didn't stop swearing for thirty minutes. Harry pulled out the loadstone and saw that the Whorecrux indeed had been destroyed. He gave Ron his chocolate frog after his tirade and he seemed to calm down some. Harry, Dumbledore and Hermione praised him for his sacrifice the order and this also seemed to cheer him up.

Dumbledore turned to Harry, "Well Harry we're getting closer to the dark lord. Only a few more and the final battle will await."


End file.
